what i wish i knew at 18
I wish young women were sat down at 18 and told all of the truths I wish I had known before being flung into adulthood.
Not the “Which college is best for you” advice…
Not the “Life is gonna be tough so better be prepared” comments…
Like the actual things that would’ve prevented me from overthinking everything, doubting myself, and feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Things like fear is gonna be your best friend and what you tell yourself is what becomes your reality.
It would have saved me so many years of stress and absolute crap self-esteem
This is exactly what I talk about on this channel- self confidence, mental growth, and becoming the best version of yourself using my own experiences and what I’ve learned about myself over the past few years.
So if you’re in that phase of life where you feel a little lost, unsure, or like everyone else has it together except you…let me be that person who sits you down and tells you some real truths about life so maybe you won’t go through the same things I did.
The way you talk to yourself matters more than you think
This one is huge. Because by 18, I was so hard on myself. If I messed up, I assumed it was because I didn’t work hard enough and I’d spiral into feeling like a failure.I’d tear myself down comparing myself to everyone I wanted to be like, saying things like “If only I wasn’t so tall”, “If only I were prettier…”
And I thought that was normal. And honestly, it is, because self worth isn’t something we’re taught beyond motivational sayings like “Just be yourself!”
But your inner voice literally shapes your identity. What you feed your brain creates beliefs that become true to you.
If you constantly tell yourself:
“I’ll never be able to do x”
“I’m not good enough”
“I fail at everything”
“I’m too short, fat, ugly, stupid…”
You will believe that. And worse yet, you’ll ACT like it.
I wish I had learned sooner how to catch myself when those nasty thoughts pop up and replace them with something that actually supports me.
Because there’s no benefit to telling yourself negative things.
Stop looking outside yourself for validation
This one would’ve changed my life way sooner. And I know it’s something girls need now more than I did because social media is a 24/7 playground of doom scrolling till you feel like an inadequate piece of garbage.
I used to base how I felt about myself on:
What people thought
How I looked compared to other girls
Whether I felt chosen or noticed
I remember in high school, I measured how good my day was based on if a certain boy talked to me. Like, seriously?
And that is the fastest way to feel not enough all the time. No one should have control over your self worth. Because most of the time, you’re handing your worth over to people who aren’t even thinking about you.
I wish I had known that constantly seeking approval and attention from other people was killing my self esteem. I was worthy no matter what anyone said or didn’t say to me that day.
Having confidence doesn’t mean you never feel insecure
I always wished I had the confidence of celebrities I admired, but I learned later in life that that wasn’t something most people are born with. And that a majority of people who come across as fearless actually have a lot of fear- they just do the thing anyway.
As I got older, I’d imagine that one day I’d walk into every room feeling 100% sure of myself, never overthink, never compare, never doubt anything. But that’s not what confidence actually is. Confidence is feeling insecure sometimes… and still showing up anyway.
Confident girls still have moments where they question themselves. The difference is, they don’t let those moments define them or stop them.
You’re allowed to be a work in progress
At 18, I felt like there was some special moment or year that I’d “arrive.”
Some magical point where I’d be sure of who I was and have it all figured out. And if I didn’t, I was behind. If I had to pivot, I had wasted all that time before. But truthfully, I’m STILL working on myself. You can have multiple iterations of yourself and why wouldn’t you? You have different experiences, expectations, goals, and priorities at 18 vs 25 vs 35.
At 18, you’re still figuring out what you even like and learning what does and doesn’t work for you. This is when you should be experimenting to find what lights you up and what you want to focus more time on in this season of life. And if that changes in a year or 5, that’s totally fine.
There’s no need to rush and there’s no finish line. The whole point is the journey and how you evolve over time. You don’t need to have it all together. You don’t need to know your exact path.
You’re allowed to be proud of where you are right now. Both can exist at the same time.
Surround yourself with the right people
You know that feeling when you’re around a group of people and you think “This just isn’t my vibe”?
I’ve been there many times. By now, I pretty much know what crowds will fill my cup and which will drain my energy, but at 18, no one told me I have the power to choose who I spend my time with. I used to think I had to adjust myself depending on who I was around. It was exhausting. And without even realizing it, I was constantly shrinking myself just to be accepted or walking on eggshells so I didn’t ruffle feathers.
But the right people don’t need you to tone yourself down to fit in. They don’t make you feel like you’re too loud, too quiet, too emotional, too driven, too anything. They make you feel comfortable being yourself.
If you feel like you have to change who you are just to keep someone around then they’re not your people.This can be a hard lesson but the wrong people can inhibit your growth.
You will outgrow many people throughout your life and it's ok. People are allowed to want different things and no longer be the right fit for each other.
Pay attention to who cheers you on and shows up for you and who quietly criticizes you or talks behind your back.
Real friendships don’t require you to lose yourself to keep them. In fact, they make you feel more yourself.
I truly believe that if more young women knew these things, they’d be set up so much better to be able to navigate the inevitable ups and downs that come with life. I know I would have spent so much less time worrying about what I looked like, if people liked me, if I was doing enough. I would have been able to show up for myself more consistently instead of telling myself all the reasons why I wasn’t good enough.
At 18, you’re just at the beginning of learning the skills no one really teaches you. But once you do, your life starts to change. I hope you can take a few of these and really begin to understand how important they are. If you want more tips of how to get out of the negative thought spiral, check out my video that gives you tips on controlling your overthinking.
I truly believe that if more young women knew these things, they’d be set up so much better to be able to navigate the inevitable ups and downs that come with life. I know I would have spent so much less time worrying about what I looked like, if people liked me, if I was doing enough. I would have been able to show up for myself more consistently instead of telling myself all the reasons why I wasn’t good enough.
At 18, you’re just at the beginning of learning the skills no one really teaches you. But once you do, your life starts to change. I hope you can take a few of these and really begin to understand how important they are.
