why perfection is killing your confidence

Perfection always seems to be the end goal. The thing that everyone strives for.
But want to hear a life-changing truth? Perfection is killing your confidence.

So let’s talk about why we fall for the illusion of perfection. Maybe this sounds like you-

• You feel like you try so hard to get it right but still feel small

• You overthink so much that you exhaust yourself into not moving at all

• You think that if you aren’t perfect, no one will take you seriously
  

Girl I’m hear to tell you that these are all lies. How do I know?
I’ve experienced all of them and more. And guess what? When I failed or missed the mark, I didn’t die.
I learned from it.
I grew from it.

And you know what actually happened when I put myself or a piece of content out there before it was perfect?
My confidence grew.

We love to see imperfection in others because it makes them relatable, but why do we try so hard to avoid it in ourselves? Because we don’t want to be laughed at or talked bad about or criticized.

Social media has given us the perception that everyone else has a perfect existence- the perfect clothes, the perfect house, the perfect partner and that they never mess up. But it’s an illusion. It’s a highlight reel, not real life.

But in reality, no one has it easy, even if it look like it on the outside.

If you want a little help learning how to ditch fear and perfection, I have something just for you called the 7 Day Glow Up Guide that walks you through the basics of resetting your mind and helping you grow your confidence. It’s completely free!

So what does this stuff have to do with confidence?

Everything.
Think of someone you admire. You probably think they are the epitome of excellence. But behind that is someone who has failed countless times, had doors slammed in their face, and has cried themselves to sleep over not being good enough. But what they didn’t do was give into that voice that said, “You should just give up. You’ll never be good enough to do this. Look at how you keep failing.”
And every single time they ignored that voice, their confidence grew.

Think about it like learning a sport. No one just wills themself into being good at basketball. You have to take the first step, pick up a ball and shoot. And guess what? You’re going to miss. A LOT. But you’re also going to sink a few baskets. That tells you that it is possible. You don’t go to one practice and expect to be Lebron. You know it takes time and experience. Confidence is the same.

Perfection can show up in many ways:

-overthinking
-fear of judgement
-not trying something until you’re “good enough”
-constantly wondering if you said the “right” thing

But I’ve learned that all of these are based on your brain trying to keep you “safe”.

Confidence comes from showing yourself that you can handle any outcome, not avoid it because it might be uncomfortable.

Do you know how many times I have fallen flat on my face? I have had events where no one showed up. Been ghosted for collaborations. Presented at a career day where someone fell asleep. But each time, I learned something- whether it was gaining experience or figuring out what didn’t work. And now I feel really confident in what speaking gigs I take on, how I teach, what to say no to, and I have really funny stories to tell people.

We think that confidence is just going to show up one day.
“One day I’ll feel ready.”
“One day I will be able to do that without being scared.”

But spoiler alert- that day will probably never come. Because no matter what level you get to, you’ll always have to battle that jerk in your head saying you aren’t good enough. The only thing that changes is how quickly you can snap back and decide you aren’t going to listen to it.

Perfection is an illusion. You can’t see the whole picture by simply watching a few reels or social media posts. What you perceive is just that- YOUR perception of someone’s reality. You don’t see the day to day. Anyone that claims they have no struggles is probably lying.

So how do we work past this to start building confidence?

First you have to remember that confidence is like a muscle. It has to be consistently worked in order to grow. And the only way to do this is to put yourself in situations where you can exercise it, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable, out of place, or scary. Familiarity breeds confidence.

Use past evidence if you have any. Even when I’ve had utter failures, I look back on them as experiences I was able to handle and work through. I think, geez if I could get through that, I can get through anything! This shows your brain that you can do hard things and you won’t die.

Be your own hype man. When I start feeling nervous or inadequate, I will literally say to myself, “Ashley, you are a badass. People love you and need your energy. You can’t fail when you are yourself.” I almost get delusional about it because why the heck not? If I can spiral negatively, why can’t I spiral positively?

Remember that you are always your own worst critic. No one ever sees things the way we do. One time during a presentation, my slides stopped working correctly on my powerpoint. I was able to talk through it as if nothing was happening and afterwards was telling the planners of the event about how I felt so embarrassed. They told me they didn’t even notice because they were paying attention to me and what I was saying. Confidence level up!

Maybe you’re just now realizing that perfection has been your safety net, keeping you from doing the things you want until you’re “ready”. Now you can recognize that what you want is on the other side on uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to try, be afraid of never giving yourself the chance. Because at the end of the day, your opinion of you is the only one that really matters and you are here to live the life YOU want to live.

No validation required.