The Truth about why you spiral
Do you ever find yourself replaying conversations? Thinking about what you should have said, second-guessing yourself or how you responded to someone?
We all do it and I want to let you know that it’s totally normal. Overthinking does not mean something is wrong with you and tt doesn’t mean you’re weak, dramatic, or bad at life.
The real issue is that you’ve learned to live almost entirely in your head and you’ve learned that overthinking feels safe for you. So when you try to think your way into calm… it actually creates more noise.
Here are a few truths for you-
Truth #1 – Why spiraling happens
When you try to think your way out of the chaos, your brain keeps scanning for more chaos because that’s what you’re focused on, so your mind just keeps looping. One thought leads to another that reminds of something else and before you know it you’ve convinced yourself that everyone hates you and you suck at life.
Truth #2 – Calm isn’t about control
Calm doesn’t come from controlling your thoughts. It comes from feeling safe even in discomfort. You have to stop and listen to what your body is trying to tell you Then you reframe the thoughts that just aren’t true.
I want to give you one small shift you can try today when you feel yourself spiraling:
Stop. Take a breath, and ask yourself , “Why am I feeling this way?”
Don’t try and change anything, just notice the feeling and get curious.
You may not have a clear answer, but it allows your nervous system to stop focusing on the emotion and bring you back to the present. Because most of our negative thoughts relate to something that has already happened, or something that we think is going to happen.
Then I want you to tell yourself the opposite of what your brain is trying to convince you of. So if you just left a party and start overthinking what you said and that everyone hated you, try telling yourself, “Now wait a second, that's just not true. I am super likable and even if someone didn’t care for me, so what? I love who I am. This isn’t helpful so I don’t need this thought right now.”
Or if you’re spiraling about a presentation you have, you can say, “Nope, I’m not going to worse-case scenario, that does nothing for me. I have worked hard on this and am going to nail it.”
It takes practice and can feel weird at the beginning, but I do this all the time. I breath deep and just pause. Then I will literally say, “Nope, we’re not doing this Ashley, that’s not helpful. What do you know to be true right now?”
Try this little trick next time your thoughts start running wild. Be consistent in catching yourself. Even if it doesn’t help tremendously, you are training yourself to stop going straight to “doom thinking” and teaching your brain that not everything is a disaster.
If you want a daily, step-by-step outline for how to incorporate this and other habits into your life, download the FREE Becoming Her Guide
It teaches you small, consistent ways to help you feel more calm in control of your thoughts so you can practice how to stop overthinking and spiraling in it’s tracks.
